Yes I realize I'm special: Rekha

Q.1 So now Rekha is a year older?
I turned 55 by the calendar this birthday. But my soul's age goes back to when I was 27. I remember what I felt at 27. That's when I became my own person a woman of the world. I knew what I wanted in life.

Q.2 And what precipitated this change 27 years ago?
I fell in love...with life.
Am I supposed to put three dots after 'love'
I didn't have even a single dot in my life when it all started at 27.

Q.3 You continue to be very special.
Yes I realize I'm specialhow special, I now realize. It's my fans made me realize that. I used to feel they were just commenting on my physicality. But now I realize they can see beyond and will connect with me even when I'm gone. I've finally got it right. My fans relate to my timelessness.

Q.4 What makes you so special?
Nazariye ki baat hai. I know I'm special. I'm not going to be over-modest about this. Because modesty after a point gets hypocritical. To have the tendency to dazzle people is not a small thing. It's the people who've made me feel special. Is it because I'm supposed to be inaccessible? The irony is we've become accessible to everyone except to ourselves. That connect with self is being lost in today's world. The internet doesn't connect you to yourself. Why is everyone looking for answers outside the world?

Q.3 Do all the compliments bore you?
Nothing bores me in life, nothing! I don't question people's opinions even it doesn't suit me. Everything that I hear or see seeps into me and it's embedded within me forever. I respect people's opinion. I am very open to criticism. And I don't think praise is all that matters. I've evolved so much that today nothing seems negative, not even what's meant to be deliberately negative. I realize it's okay to accept the negative. Every destruction is the signal for a new beginning. To reconstruct you first need to deconstruct. And for a solid foundation you need to dig deep. That's what I'm doing.

Q.4What changes have you noticed within yourself during the past year?
I've gone deeper. And keep going within yourself.I've accepted that there's both good and evil inside me. That's what makes me purn (complete).

Q.5 In spite of being a recluse your beauty inspires generations. But you say physicality is not important?
You saw me like twenty years ago. So how do you know about my beauty? But I'm not a recluse. Yeh bahut badi gaali di aapne on my birthday (laughs). What makes you say that? What should do I do if all my activities and appointments are close to my home in Bandra?
People who really want to see me, do see me. I got a very big honour from IMPPA just weeks ago. I felt such warm joy and peace. I enjoy every moment of my life. Batayiye aur kya chahte hain aap? I attended Bharat Shah's son engagement. Then on my birthday I'll be going to the temple.That's again a public appearance. Then on 11 October, I'm going to have a very special time with my family. If you still think I'm a recluse what can I do?

Q.6 Your nephew is ready to be launched as a leading man?
Yes Naveed. He's very goodhearted. No I can't afford to produce films for myself, how can I produce one for him. I don't have the wherewithal.

Q.7 Do you feel like a mother to your nephew?
No , more like a kid sister

Q.8 So what plans do you have for him?
I'm not his only lifeline. He has his own life. He'd make his way, just like I did. He's a very gentle soul and very talented.I can give him nothing except my experiences.

Q.9 He's like you?
Yes. But guys need to be much stronger. And concerned about the world around them. Men are so submerged in their selves.

Q.10 Well, this man wants to say you continue to be show-stopper?
I hope nothing stops because of me.

Q.11 You recently shot a film with Hema Malini and Rishi Kapoor?
Yes, Saadiyaan. It's a very interesting film on Indo-Pak relations.I haven't done such a film before. It's about two mothers me and Hemaji. I also completed a film called Aaj Phir Jeene Ki Tamanna Hai. I play a modernday devdasi, a Maharashtrian woman.

Q.12 You like the title?
Love it It's given by me. It in many ways describes my life. It's Mr Shatrughan Sinha's production. He's playing my husband. His son Luv is with me in Saadiyaan. He's very sincere and different. The boy has a silent strength.

Q.13 Why are you so often cast as a courtesan and the Other Woman?
Out of my 250 films I've done 180 films as a wife. Why haven't you noticed that?

Q.14 Your recent films have been disappointments?
Recent, as in 20 years , 30 years? They might have been boxoffice disappointments. But does that stop you from feeling the way you feel about me and the way I feel about myself?

Q.15 It was said that you were bound to be at awards functions every year?
I am not BOUND to be nowhere except where my heart takes me

Q.16 October 11 is Amitji's birthday?
Oh really? I didn't know that.

Q.17 Please give a message for him?
There's a very useful media-fobbing term that I will use for the first time. No comments.

Q.18 Oh, come one. He's the national icon and your most successful co-star.

Main buddhi hui ja rahi hoon. Main kya bolun? You take that seriously? What can I say about him without sounding repetitive?I feel such joy that he has given so much to the industry. I feel so blessed that I've learnt so much for him. I can't put my feelings into words. He deserves so much more. So far he has got back not even one atom of what he puts into his craft.
He pours his soul into his roles, and now into his blog. We should stop questioning his professional decisions. Yeh kyon woo kyon kiya. If we stop questioning all that mera jeevan safal ho jayega

Q.19 Do you read Mr Bachchan's blog?
I'm a computer illiterate. I believe the Internet has got every photograph every detail of my life.

Q.20 But you can connect with your fans directly on the blog?
No. I feel why go through four hours of agonizing notes, six hours of censoring and deleting, and then to go through the heartbreak of having it appear and have people pounce on you. I don't have the time for that.
I'd rather astro-connect with my fans. And then there are the performances that will connect me to the audience whenever they want.

Q.21 My birthday song for you is Gulzar Saab's Sirf ehsaas hai yeh rooh se mehsoos karo pyar ko pyar hi rehne do koi naam do.
That's cheating. That was my birthday song from you five years ago.

Q.22 Is there anything that you'd like to change in your life?
No . Because I haven't allowed myself to be affected by the ugliness. I do feel the pain. Of course I do! But I don't wallow in it.

By Subhash K Jha, Feb 7, 2009