When I enter her office, she is sitting with her back to the door, staring at the sea and its wild waves. She pulls up a chair besides me and invites me to share the moment with her. Isnt it beautiful... it resembles a frame from a Santosh Sivan film, she says wistfully.As the big orange sun dips into the ocean, the skyline changes colour and subsequently so does her mood. Quite like Rekhas own career. Every time it seems as if the actress is close to the end, she springs back, with a Khoon Bhari Maang, an Aastha and a Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi. After 30 years in the arc lights and 100 odd films, Rekha still looks ravishing and has the capacity to surprise her audience. In this heart-to-heart interview Rekha discusses why Lajja has been an enriching experience for her as an actress.

Q.1 Lajja isnt the regular formula film. So what motivated you to say yes to the role?

The fact that the director was completely convinced with the subject motivated me as an actress. From the very first day when he met me to the final narration, his passion and concern for the issue remained undiminished. Everyone knows that the film is inspired from a real life incident. But just how deeply he was affected by the episode, was revealed only when we began shooting the film. I think it was an instinctive decision for me.

Q.2 Is that how you usually make your decisions, relying on your instincts?

Thats how I usually do it, yes. Of course, there are other considerations as well. If it is a director Ive already worked with like Guddu (Rakesh Roshan) I dont need much coaxing because I trust him. It didnt take me long to say yes to Guddus forthcoming Koi Mil Gaya. In that sense, it should have taken me longer to agree to Lajja because I havent seen any of Raj Santoshis earlier films.

Q.3 None at all?

None, not even Damini. But Im planning to see all his films now. I remember him as a shy assistant following Govind Nihalani around during the making of Vijeta, holding on to his shirt and whispering into his ear. Nobody heard him utter a word during the entire making of the film, so you can imagine how dumbfounded I was at his clairvoyant, almost visual narration of the subject to me. He told me he was depicting the five faces of Sita. The five phases in a womans life. And the way he elaborated on each character, emphasising every issue was quite enthralling. He had worked out an unusual graph for the film, the journey of one woman. But all the four women hes portrayed - Vaidehi, Maithili, Janaki and Ram Dulari - were equally fascinating.

Q.4 When there were so many options, what made you opt to play Ram Dulari?

I was more drawn to Janaki the role played by Madhuri Dixit but the director felt that I should play Ram Dulari because I was most appropriate to represent the opening outcry Amma humko bachai le ye dushman humka phuk de... his inspiration and reason for making the film. That was the directors projection of me. I wasnt completely convinced but I consoled myself that while I had done shades of Janaki in my earlier films, this was a new expression and a new challenge for me as an actress.

Q.5 When does the process of acting begin for you? When you listen to the story or when you begin shooting?

Im not a method actor. Earlier, because I was young and indifferent towards my work and later, because I felt becoming too aware would take away the magic. Acting for me has always been more of a spontaneous reaction. Eventually, the moment of truth for all actors is Start Camera. Whatever artistes go through prior to this is all happening at a subconscious level. It could be something Ive watched from my car window or a film Ive stored in my memory over the years. Its different each time and difficult to explain. A few weeks before the shooting of Lajja when I asked the director to describe his vision of Ram Dulari to me, he counter-questioned me with, I know my vision. Im keen to know whats going on in your head.

Q.6 And what was going on in your head?

To be honest, I was nervous because I had never played a rural woman, never spoken avadhi dialect in its purest form. The innumerable research material provided by the director really helped. He had travelled extensively in the interiors and had sufficient information to satisfy my queries. For our mutual benefit, we did a test shoot. After that I think he felt reassured and left me alone till the day of the shooting.

Q.7 Were there any disputes during the test shoot?

Not disputes but there were healthy discussions. I was carrying with me both, bright and dull coloured sarees. He discarded all the brighter shades and settled for the dull ones. I had plastered my hair with oil to give it a rustic look. He asked me to leave it the way it was. His explanation being, hawa chal rahi hai na... then let the hair fly. Something just resolved for me during that shoot and after that I just surrendered to him as an actress.

Q.8 Do you usually surrender so easily?

Im obedient. It comes out of not going through any kind of formal education. So for me the film-maker is the teacher and the studio, my school. There are actors who get unsettled when directors enact a scene for them. I take it as an indicator. I distill the moment and absorb whats advantageous to me. Over the years, I have learnt to distance myself from cliches.

Q.9 Whats your mind frame on the first day of a new film?

Im anxious and edgy but on the surface I appear calm and unaffected. An actor about to get under the skin of a new character is like a bride adopting a new family in an arranged marriage. You are being watched under a microscope, judged by everyone and all the time. It can be very unnerving! And for some sadistic reason, the director always picks up the most crucial scene to shoot on the first day. Its happened with my earlier films and it happened with Lajja as well. They probably do it deliberately, to get full steam into the film. Or perhaps to ensure that the actor does not get complacent.

By Bhawana Sommaya